there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
