He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
