You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize