Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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