You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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