he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
