Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize