you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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