I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
