overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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