Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
