Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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