she was so not down for the gang bang
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
