i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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