I cannot find my penis.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize