Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
