Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My penis needs a shock collar
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
