My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
