arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
