Whod you bang
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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