it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm at about main and main street
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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