We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He shit in the fireplace
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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