yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
