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When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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