Buhtt sex?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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