he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
