You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
