And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
