My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
