He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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