This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
