is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
