I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
