I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
