i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I want to make a zoo with you.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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