i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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