I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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