There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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