: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
