Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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