Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
