Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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