i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
