Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
