I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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