Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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