So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
