I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
