I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
