i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
