Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
