Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
