my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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