brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize