So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
