RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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