My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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