There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
