So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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