Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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