It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She bit a glass in half.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize