Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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