I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
